Thoughts running deep

I lay on your side as my fingers run along your body’s curves. I count every bump I find. I observe your tiny movements every now and then, hoping that you would open up that mask of yours to me.
I kiss your neck, nibble your shoulders for a while before I let my head drop on the pillow. Our fingers entwine and I squeeze your hand a little, making a tiny question. Are you alright?
You answer with same kind of squeeze and it makes me smile. I guess you are alright.

Night falls but I can’t sleep. I still hold my arm around you. I inhale your familiar scent of cigarettes, deodorant and your own, unique aroma. It makes me feel comfortable, to know that I have you there, next to me. That when I wake up, the first thing I see is pattern of pillows and after that I might see your little bit messy hair and sleepy eyes.
Despite this, I can’t sleep. Even though I appear very silly and obvious at times, my thoughts run deep.
 I think we are kinda same. Afraid to wear our hearts in our sleeves, afraid that they might get a fatal hit because of some jackass. We are afraid to open up because other might find our thoughts ridiculous. I confess, I am afraid that I get laughed at. That I get laughed at by you.

I pull myself closer to you, snuggling my face into the crook of your neck. You let out silent, sleepy moan as you adjust yourself in my grip and then you fall into deep sleep again.
I appreciate that you let me this close to you. I don’t ever dare to say it, since I seriously fear that you might just brush my words off with a laugh, calling me hopeless romantic or something. I know you wouldn’t do it, but I still fear you might.
I appreciate you. I am honored that I’m this close to you, even though I still don’t know you well yet. And I might never know. But one can always hope, right?
Words may mean nothing to you, but to me they mean everything. I am just not good with them.
I want you to know that I am grateful to you, you’ve made me smile gazillion times and I love you. And you never have to be afraid to wear your heart on your sleeve with me. I will not laugh at you.

Thank you.